Thursday, December 9, 2010

Then what makes u cry...

Footsteps of others keeping strong imprints
i’m trying to walk away from the tread
there were many with me when i started
when things changed they look for rest
i am determinant to not to get back
moving ahead to make a try
feeling resistant as no one is there to hold
if i fall down in the clutches of pie


people who surrounded me for their happiness
they stayed with me to have rest on their rides
ones they recovered from outgoing breaths
they stood and moved ahead with others
as i’m there rival in the game of life
i cried, called them for togetherness
but they dint listen any of my voice
life is a mysterious net of relations
one can’t hold those meant for fly
emotions woven like nest of phoenix
feelings never going to die


life is mortal, everyone has to go
we come alone, walk alone
but emotions never go lone
souls get glued from distant corners
being together life become a desired heaven
all need to swallow glooms of heart
few are there who tear soul apart
on dooms’day, U ‘ll realize
what U gain and what U lost in the flow of life
abandon is the nature of your pry
now i’m away from U,
then what makes U cry

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

अम्मा आज भी रोती है...

तेरी आने की आहट आज भी उसको सताती है
तू उसे छोड़ कहाँ चला गया
आज भी उसकी आँखे बात बात पे भर आती है
तू दुनिया की भीड़ में कहीं खो गया
अम्मा तरसती रही पर तू दूर हो गया
वोह तुम्हारे टूटे खिलोने, वोह पहने हुए कपडे
आज भी उसकी दौलत है
मैं बस इतना बताना चाहू कि
अम्मा आज भी रोती है

तू भूल गया वोह दिन जब तुझे रोता देख
वोह तड़प जाती थी
तू बोल नहीं पता था पर
तुझे सीने से लगा के, रात और दिन तुझसे बतियाती थी
अँधेरे से बचने के लिए वोह तुझे काजल का टीका लगाती थी
वोह आंसू और सिसकियाँ चिला चिला के तुझे बुलाते हैं
मैं बस इतना बताना चाहू की
अम्मा आज भी रोती है

क्या कसूर उसका जो उसने तुम्हे जन्म दिया
अपने लहू का दूध बना कर तुझको सजदा किया
उसकी बेजान आँखे तेरी आने की राह तकती है
मैं बस इतना बताना चाहू की
तू अब देर न कर
अम्मा आज भी बहुत रोती है

Friday, November 26, 2010

A new day

For the last few months I was trying to consolidate my life on my desired way from a gloomy experience. Things have been coming back on the track and new thoughts are vividly shaping futuristic way of living. But a tease somewhere has been pinning around the heart, in spite of smoothing up most of things.

A couple of days back at 12 midnight (12am), a voice over the cell pierced all my thoughts and reminded me that I have already been entered in new year of my life. I was happy but somewhere expecting another call on the track which always been the first. The call dint come but I was happy and slept with the thinking to be good with everyone atleast on this very day of mine. In the morning, while getting ready for the office received another call from my near and dear ones who poured their unconditional love and care, the call from my previous office. Talking with all of them taken me into a new world and filled me with emotions. Whereas, somewhere down the corner, I was still expecting a needed call which did not come yet.


I was happy whole of the day as everything was progressed in much better way. I supposed to move out of the office but a call again stopped me to hold for sometime because they arranged a cake for the occasion. In the process I shared with one of my colleagues that today is my birth-day, he put it on notice of few others. The Cake, sent from thousands of miles away, arrived and all were there to cut it off, it was delicious and awesome. I am overwhelmed with the love and care all of you have offered to me. I would like to assure you all that this emotional bond of ours will always achieve new heights of strength. Thanks for being with me and making my day as memorable one.

 
The expected call dint turn up, which put smile on my face.

Monday, November 15, 2010

I am back again….!!!

At personal front, new flames are started lightening up. Day by day unique style of living is being experienced which offering positive energy to me, now and then. The desperation and negative thoughts started disappearing one by one. I am happy getting back to normal life. Most of the long pending tasks are also coming at the verge of finishing and some of them are in a proper flow. I am feeling happy to achieve most of the desired things of my life and finding myself ready for other targets too. All deeds who weakened bonds with my dear ones are also tightening up very strongly. I am getting back to my world which I had cut off due to some reasons. A shut back had thrown me on the earth from cloud ninth. It is paining emotionally but also sensing my heaven on the way. Cruelty and practicalities of one taught me the lesson of life. Thanks to all my friends who come strongly in favour of me and for saving me from the jaws of fatality.

Proximity of others now revealed as a crude debacle which laid on lie, fake, hypocrisy and artificiality all the way. It was a great learning experience even though it had taken three important years of life. However, illusive sight has vanished and natural vision fused up. Nothing much to say, except – I am back, I am back again….!!!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Transformation of life

As I revealed that my life has been changing rapidly. Things which were mine now it seems they never belong to me earlier. It was just my illusive thought of possession. That tenure is over and they are in the possession of others. Legally and socially, I have no right to hold them with me. So life is transforming from the ownership to companionship. Context of relationship has also been changed. My sobs do not keep any meaning during this transformation, instead it shows my weakness. I am realizing the change but do not want to accept it at all, so, knowingly pushing myself in emotional trauma, again and again.

I am not analyzing reality but wishing to be in virtual world by crossing all limits. Heart wants to stop at the weakened sentiments. But my brain is feeling happy and asking me to make best out of this dilemmatic situation which is not arises once in a whole life span. Therefore, concentrating on the outcome, adopting it by mind and getting adapted to this change of life. Yes, I need to put a positive attitude on whatever way I am going through. This seems to be a new incarnation of mine along with a sense of freedom which is getting transformed quickly.

Friday, October 1, 2010

I am alone

Life has changed to many folds in just couple of weeks’ time. I have been anticipated these changes a long back but was not expecting that these would come like this and going to shatter me. I was keeping my eyes wide shut about the fact. The person concerned about me is leaving me alone and marching ahead to win new hearts. I don’t know how to react and how to tackle this situation as my inside is deeply crying for the one who has left me aside.
I am an emotional fool
Now morning on grief all alone
We planned our future intact
Things fall flat when one broken our dreams
Mind and heart stuck to imbalance gust
She has started dreaming for her best
Left everything at ours all scotched
No one to adore, no one at the crest
None to share my love and worst
When emotions arrived at point of curtest
There is only 'me' with 'my inner tempest'

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Oh God! Stop it now......

Death is the only truth in this world. Ones born must have to die? Then why we try to forget this truth and why we live in illusion being away from demise? Things are changing rapidly and new generation is driving it hard. Most of the people are self centered now whereas earlier people lived for the society. Luxuries are more and available at reasonable costs which earlier were not even in thought. New generation also lacking mental toughness and bend their boon in case of little pressure. Pressure of study, pressure of job, pressure of achieving something good and pressure of survival is putting them under more and more stress.

Farmers are sacrificing their lives because businessmen/ corporate houses are milking money on their sweat and paying them only peanuts. Many of the lives are on stack of share-market. If it booms then fine otherwise take away some lives every time whenever it falls drastically. South Asia is generally known as ‘suicidal capital’, nothing more to say about it. Couple of year back, I heard that during rainy season (South Aisa) more suicides have been done. It is because of the gloomy weather which offers passiveness.

Today writing all this is not my purpose but it is because last journey I had made to my hometown because of a suicide. A suicide committed by a juvenile of 14 years named Komal. Knowing about suicide is not new but it was committed by one of my close relative put all of us on trot to reach at hometown. I tried to recollect the face of that kid but got his appearance when he was of just 7-8 years. Now he was 5 feet 4 inches of height, thin but straight body, and fair in complexion with graceful face. He was good in study too and never felt pressure of anything.

His father is my cousin and mother is my sister by religion (Dharam Behan). They were having this son and a daughter. They have been visiting us almost everyday because my sister is a teacher in ‘Angan Balwadi School’ which is running in one of room. They narrated their desires of making house and establishing their own business to my mother most of the time and working towards that. Just couple of months back they constructed their new house and kept one room to their son and asked him to furnish it according to his wish. They were always saying him that ‘this room is to you and your wife’. They all were living as a happy family. His sudden demise is heartbreaking for everyone. Who ever heard about this run towards to home. Why he has done so, is not yet clear. His grand parents were saying they found him in depression from few days, they never thought that he was planning to go away from all of us. He hanged himself just like an expert. People were unable to open the nodes he had given to the cloth he used as tool finally they cut it with a dagger. In the moaning state parents are asking from everyone reason of his passiveness.

Suicides by the people degrading image of our village whereas list is getting longer and longer as the time moving:

  • Mr. Dhania Ram found hanged in the jungle, it happened when I was kid.
  • Mrs. Neema (wife of Mr. Devraj) consumed poisoned, her husband faced court case for this.
  • Second wife of Mr. Devraj also hanged herself and his passion in the list of court and police become more critical.
  • Mr. Devraj had also hanged himself.
  • Mr. Mehar Singh consumed poison.
  • Cousin of Mr. Mehar Singh also found dead in mysterious circumstances, which police marked as suicide later on.
  • One girl consumed poison, reached hospital but declared dead.
  • Finally this boy (Komal) hanged himself.

- Who is next now……………………………………………………………?

Hey God, give mental strength to all of your children living in this world ……. take them away but not with the way of suicide.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Samsara: a tale of sensuality and spirituality

I am not a true movie bud but always like to see light movies which tickle my funny bones. Though, I had school bunks for movies, including lower grade movies, with few of my friends. Craze of movies were higher at that time and I got easily influenced by all action or romantic flicks. But this craziness has decreased as I entered in the college or thrown up my juvenile behaviour. I like movie by interpreting it by my own emotions or thoughts.

Since, cinema is nothing to do with geographic or language boundaries but still Indian cinema is very close to my heart. Some of the movies which I love to watch again and again are:

Jeene bhie do yaaro: One of the finest comedies, I have ever seen.
Jakham: A thought provoking screenplay which is very close to reality, love, bonding and heartfelt emotions.
Samsara: Undoubtedly a wonderful cinematic experience, shows impetus of desires, can not be fixed in words.
Gardish: A movie where a son tried to fulfill his father’s dream but failed due to few reasons.

Here, I would like to write few words about Samsara, the bestest among the best lot. This film shows meaning of life. Peace never comes through spiritual enlightenment but it comes from inside of every individual.

Samsara is directorial debut of Pan Nalin, an Indian born filmmaker. He comes out with passionate affair of mind and body in the mountains of Himalaya. Monks celebrate Tashi’s arrival from rigorous meditation of more than three years in a cave. They arranged a function and called people of village located near the monastery. In the function Tashi (Shawn Ku) saw breast of a mother while she was feeding her child. Tashi, yearns towards her with lustiest desires and compound in search deep sexual desire. While having feast of this occasion he meets Pema (Christy Chung), a beautiful girl of a farmer family, and his sexual desires blown up. His mates found him having hard-on and night-fall in the sleep. He started assessing his life with ‘Budhha’, who had also experienced closeness of woman before becoming ‘Budhha’. Monks realized his dilemmatic situation and send him to meet another non – speaking old lama. The monk showed him posters of coupling of two bodies. The coupling bodies were changed to structure of bones when saw over the fire. This conveys a message of human life but that was not picked up by Tashi. Now he had decided to live a social life and left the monastery. He worked as labour in the farm of Pema’s father. Tashi and Pema got attracted and started satisfying sexual needs. When their family sensed it they both got married and started living like a family. This was not end for him, but soon Tashi got attracted towards a girl (Neelisha Bavora) who worked in his farm. He got sexually involved with her but soon felt guilt on being unfaithful to Pema. He thought to leave social life and once again left everything in search of enlightenment which he felt is easier than the social life. On the way Pema arrived and confronted him on his leaving. She posed a question about Yoshodara that she had not left her child the way Siddhartha did, is it needed to get enlightenment?

The movie has various pictorial thought provoking messages. It begins with a stone get released from sky on goat’s. Movie ends when Pema broken a box which they used to give each other while going for long journey. The meanings of all symbolic are easily imaginative and questions posed during various conversations are not answered verbally but again these figure out with understanding of humanism.

Where will this twig end up?
How will you stop a drop of water ever drying up?
What is more important- satisfying one thousand desires or conquering just one?

Samsara is truly a master piece of artistic sensuality, spirituality and wisdom.

Monday, July 26, 2010

An eye opener

I was not at all under any stress on the way but my conscious did not analyse a string of questions, would soon be going thrown to me. I reached at the institute with a file of certificates only, supporting staff reviewed it and asked for print copies of articles, I had written. I was not keeping them with me at that point of time. I was away from all seriousness but somewhere was confident to reply on whatever they are going to ask. I saw two candidates who were quite serious about the interview and that was reflecting from their actions. Why they two were only serious? Why I am not serious as they are? I, myself answered on my questions, now, I become a careless professional and must be over confident that’s why I am not so serious about the Interview. Again another question struck, why is this carelessness?

In the mean time, my turn to face the panel arrived. The environment was very cool, all panelist were having a photocopy of my form/bio-data and all of them carefully going through it.

They questioned, like:

  • Why you would like to leave your present job?
  • You are working in small institute, how you will facilitate the big institute (university) like us?
  • How you would manage online literacy programme by using open source software?
    • Name any of the open source software, being used of information literacy programme?
    • How you would make a video for information literacy programme without spending any amount?
  • Tell us about rendering of “suresh kumar” (Name changed), to control wrong entries in the union catalogue?
  • How many Indians won the Booker prize, what are their names and books written by them?
  • What is the actual birth place of Shakespeare?


I heard all the questions, answered only 20% of these confidently, tried to give explanation for 30% but was mum on almost 50% questions.

I was not feeling happy on my performance but was started evaluating myself. On realising my performance, even I had not tired to persuade them with any of my explanation. In my eyes, I found myself completely at new ignored place, which was low and far below from a professional’s realm. I started feeling happy with the decision that I would surely be preparing myself for other interviews. I wish to be like the two serious professionals who I had seen during the interview. This interview is really an eye opener for me, now, I am trying to be ready for small or any big similar occasions with complete professional attitude.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Me & My Inner Tempest


No one to adore, no one at the crest
None to share my love and worst
When emotions arrived at point of curtest
There is only 'me' with 'my inner tempest'

Smile please...

I am ‘feeling’ alone these days despite the fact that I am not at all alone, but my feeling making me alone. Lots of people are there around me. All of them are busy to make their lives successful and luxurious. They have their own bunch of people to care for and to get cared from them. Feeling happy for everyone atleast they have someone who will come to them during their ill or happy times.

With a smile I just mocked on myself for the life where finding no one who will remain with me and plan every bit of my life. Though I know, keeping this expectation from a human being is ridicules, only my Mother and God can do this for me. The sight of love from the Mother and the God, who blessed me with desired care, is giving happiness to my inner soul. I am happy with this optimistic thought that forces me to enjoy this birth of mine. I am trying to say to myself … smile please.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I’m dreaming with my open eyes


Our Home
Near a cascade, on the peak’s height
Lots of birds with chirping in soothing voice
I wish to run over the all skies
Created OUR HOME with your beautiful sight
I’m dreaming with my open eyes

Our Place
Everyday pouring drizzles on the ploughed sand
Refreshing soul with fragrance around
Valley of colourful flowers making true band
Giving heavenly sight to fly
I’m dreaming with my open eyes


Our Family
Smile on faces of my parents all the time
Who taken such a pain to put me on the line
My mates who give me true social and cultural values
Lover’s charming love with sublime tine
Slow swings on swinger down the edge
We make heaven on the earth
Being far away from inhuman cries
I’m dreaming with my open eyes

Our Life...
With full of love from so dears
Desired embrace bring our souls’ near
Unspoken words silently shared by eyes
Heart beats chanting songs of adore
Thoughts of heart always been so clear
Hi God! Immortal souls away from tears
Living the lovable life whenever arise
I’m dreaming with my open eyes

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Smile for me …

Things are clumsy and intricacies all over
Though I am happy you are always there for me
I am the piled messy disaster need all prayers
Nest of mine was in fire full of steam
You are like drizzle, always set me on the beam
Your heart is flower always spread fragrance of smile for me

World was taken away and ruined me
Though I am happy you are always there for me
Ups and downs reserved us away
I was on high you kept me grounded
You accepted me with my rage
You are the one who set the stage
My misread life reshaped as readable for me
Your heart is like a bird singing happy songs for me

New rays of life awaken me from tight sleep
Everything you do for others, I thought you are doing for me
Your smile did not let me know that you are apart from me
You are not there, just an illusive presence of yours for me
But you taught me a lesson of smile
Now, I am smiling for others, smiling for all and, smiling for me

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Decoding the mystery of life

He asked with a smile, why all heads don’t have brain like Einstein or Thomas Edison? I mesmerized without uttering any word and just thrown my confusion on his question. Since long, this question has been tickling my bones with one or other ways. I tried to ask this from others and also taken help of many religious and philosophical writings but never got satisfactory answer. In confusion I started peeping towards distant end of fields which were covered with green crops from the bus window. Then saw him with in hope to get answered from him but was not very sure to get it. He realized my vulnerability and said, because their (Einstein and Edison) souls were matured souls. This is not the first birth they have taken but after so many births they had reached to the level of having great minds. I showed little hesitation on accepting his words and offered a conclusion to him that the souls with first or second birth would always been the notorious ones.

He smiled and said ‘always two types of characters we believe into good and bad. Generally we can classify all souls into these two categories. The souls having initial births are always so juvenile; they get attracted towards good or bad and started doing related deeds. The souls who get attracted towards good during every birth, finally reach to the level of a saint. The same way the souls get attracted towards bad things, gradually increase the level of their bad deeds during every birth and finally reached the level of spoiled soul.’


Time permitted me to take advantage of the situation and in the process I asked few more questions from this man.
Is there any way to concert spoiled soul into good?
I asked. Why not, all religions are there to show the light of good and bad to every individual. None of the religions or sects guides people to do bad things. He started chanting verses of Guru Granth Sahib and from the Kuran and narrated the meanings which were almost the same.

Do all good souls are being addressed as God after several births?
No, they get fuse in the divine power, which is known as God. All religions indicate about the supreme power but no religion giving picture of God. All good human being get fused in that supreme power. The examples of these souls are like – Rama, Krishna, Mohammad, Guru Nanak, Budhha, Mahavira, and Jesus and got united with the God. They are also known as different incarnation of God.

What or who is God?
God is a supreme power, who is omnipotent and immortal. Who has never been seen by anyone but controlling each and every minute thing in this universe. We call it OM, AUM, OMKAR, GOD, ALLAH. None of the religion has described about the nature, character, look of God, they just agreed to HIS presence. HE is there in us, in our emotions that’s why we behave differently at every occasion by doing the same thing. For example – I will give you a chocolate if you run to touch that tree and come back within one minute. He would go and come back quickly with happy emotions. The same thing I will ask him to do as punishment, then his emotions would surely be different.

I was amazed with his knowledge about the spirituality, his behaviour and his way of presenting his words positively across all my doubts. Few nearby passengers were also got engaged in this discussion, he replied on everyones’ queries. We both were in hurry to reach at the destination but bus was almost one hour late from its actual schedule. I was furious on driver for his slow driving, he alerted the driver to take care of the schedule and then calmed down. He was going to miss a project on reaching late but he was not that much apprehensive as I was. I was surprised with his calmness over getting late. He might have read few questions in my eyes and just started with the words that this bus is also old like him and whole natural stuffs joined together to make the reason of slow speed. All has already been planned by the God, our meeting, our discussion, our journey by this bus and also our adjacent seats.

This was a memorable meeting of mine with an unknown person. I had not asked his name or his identification but finding him a saint who is quite near to God and given me the mantra of life. This has also helped me to decode the unsolved mystery of life.

Friday, February 5, 2010

our togetherness


Our previous meeting few weeks ago was long awaited and desired. As per our plan, we left our places to meet the other half of each other. I reached quite early but hours of wait seemed like a day, as heart was desiring you in front of me at very moment. But the journey has its own passage and time to complete. I was becoming impatient and in this state of mind, i expressed some anger to my love, he too was eager to meet me. And finally, we were together, and that very moment all the anger vanished away. Only the distance used to play the role of any ill will in our case.

And then we reached at our home, and remain in each others arms, loved each other. And we both were feeling the hunger, and then went to nearby market to have some eatables. All this is so lovable and enjoyed a lot. After that we came back at our place, made our bedding and then have food with the most lovable way.

Then, we talked and loved each other. My love had taken a movie for us, and we started watching, but i was caught with sleep. Forgive me my lovi.

Then we woke up in the morning, started talking, and also planned for the day, as my love had to visit our home town and me too had to reach at my place. So at last left the home and took bus and started the journey. The passage that we desired to visit with each other and were enjoying the scenery all the way and our heart desired that this journey never come to and end. Then on the way, we had our lunch. And then started for my place. At last reached there, i want to show my love, my new place of work, but he was already late. He got the bus with struggle and reached home quite late. Just after reaching at my room, i started missing my love too badly. All the thoughts of our togetherness are still alive in my eyes .

This is whole of our meeting and same moment we found our self in the wait and desire of next meeting. And just now feeling the warmth of my love.
 
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