Then what makes u cry...

Footsteps of others keeping strong imprints
i’m trying to walk away from the tread
there were many with me when i started
when things changed they look for rest
i am determinant to not to get back
moving ahead to make a try
feeling resistant as no one is there to hold
if i fall down in the clutches of pie


people who surrounded me for their happiness
they stayed with me to have rest on their rides
ones they recovered from outgoing breaths
they stood and moved ahead with others
as i’m there rival in the game of life
i cried, called them for togetherness
but they dint listen any of my voice
life is a mysterious net of relations
one can’t hold those meant for fly
emotions woven like nest of phoenix
feelings never going to die


life is mortal, everyone has to go
we come alone, walk alone
but emotions never go lone
souls get glued from distant corners
being together life become a desired heaven
all need to swallow glooms of heart
few are there who tear soul apart
on dooms’day, U ‘ll realize
what U gain and what U lost in the flow of life
abandon is the nature of your pry
now i’m away from U,
then what makes U cry

अम्मा आज भी रोती है...

तेरी आने की आहट आज भी उसको सताती है

तू उसे छोड़ कहाँ चला गया

आज भी उसकी आँखे बात बात पे भर आती है

तू दुनिया की भीड़ में कहीं खो गया

अम्मा तरसती रही पर तू दूर हो गया

वोह तुम्हारे टूटे खिलोने, वोह पहने हुए कपडे

आज भी उसकी दौलत है

मैं बस इतना बताना चाहू कि

अम्मा आज भी रोती है

तू भूल गया वोह दिन जब तुझे रोता देख

वोह तड़प जाती थी

तू बोल नहीं पता था पर

तुझे सीने से लगा के, रात और दिन तुझसे बतियाती थी

अँधेरे से बचने के लिए वोह तुझे काजल का टीका लगाती थी

वोह आंसू और सिसकियाँ चिला चिला के तुझे बुलाते हैं

मैं बस इतना बताना चाहू की

अम्मा आज भी रोती है

क्या कसूर उसका जो उसने तुम्हे जन्म दिया

अपने लहू का दूध बना कर तुझको सजदा किया

उसकी बेजान आँखे तेरी आने की राह तकती है

मैं बस इतना बताना चाहू की

तू अब देर न कर

अम्मा आज भी बहुत रोती है

A new day

For the last few months I was trying to consolidate my life on my desired way from a gloomy experience. Things have been coming back on the track and new thoughts are vividly shaping futuristic way of living. But a tease somewhere has been pinning around the heart, in spite of smoothing up most of things.

A couple of days back at 12 midnight (12am), a voice over the cell pierced all my thoughts and reminded me that I have already been entered in new year of my life. I was happy but somewhere expecting another call on the track which always been the first. The call dint come but I was happy and slept with the thinking to be good with everyone atleast on this very day of mine. In the morning, while getting ready for the office received another call from my near and dear ones who poured their unconditional love and care, the call from my previous office. Talking with all of them taken me into a new world and filled me with emotions. Whereas, somewhere down the corner, I was still expecting a needed call which did not come yet.

I was happy whole of the day as everything was progressed in much better way. I supposed to move out of the office but a call again stopped me to hold for sometime because they arranged a cake for the occasion. In the process I shared with one of my colleagues that today is my birth-day, he put it on notice of few others. The Cake, sent from thousands of miles away, arrived and all were there to cut it off, it was delicious and awesome. I am overwhelmed with the love and care all of you have offered to me. I would like to assure you all that this emotional bond of ours will always achieve new heights of strength. Thanks for being with me and making my day as memorable one.

 

The expected call dint turn up, which put smile on my face.

I am back again….!!!

At personal front, new flames are started lightening up. Day by day unique style of living is being experienced which offering positive energy to me, now and then. The desperation and negative thoughts started disappearing one by one. I am happy getting back to normal life. Most of the long pending tasks are also coming at the verge of finishing and some of them are in a proper flow. I am feeling happy to achieve most of the desired things of my life and finding myself ready for other targets too. All deeds who weakened bonds with my dear ones are also tightening up very strongly. I am getting back to my world which I had cut off due to some reasons. A shut back had thrown me on the earth from cloud ninth. It is paining emotionally but also sensing my heaven on the way. Cruelty and practicalities of one taught me the lesson of life. Thanks to all my friends who come strongly in favour of me and for saving me from the jaws of fatality.

Proximity of others now revealed as a crude debacle which laid on lie, fake, hypocrisy and artificiality all the way. It was a great learning experience even though it had taken three important years of life. However, illusive sight has vanished and natural vision fused up. Nothing much to say, except – I am back, I am back again….!!!

Transformation of life

As I revealed that my life has been changing rapidly. Things which were mine now it seems they never belong to me earlier. It was just my illusive thought of possession. That tenure is over and they are in the possession of others. Legally and socially, I have no right to hold them with me. So life is transforming from the ownership to companionship. Context of relationship has also been changed. My sobs do not keep any meaning during this transformation, instead it shows my weakness. I am realizing the change but do not want to accept it at all, so, knowingly pushing myself in emotional trauma, again and again.

I am not analyzing reality but wishing to be in virtual world by crossing all limits. Heart wants to stop at the weakened sentiments. But my brain is feeling happy and asking me to make best out of this dilemmatic situation which is not arises once in a whole life span. Therefore, concentrating on the outcome, adopting it by mind and getting adapted to this change of life. Yes, I need to put a positive attitude on whatever way I am going through. This seems to be a new incarnation of mine along with a sense of freedom which is getting transformed quickly.

I am alone

Life has changed to many folds in just couple of weeks’ time. I have been anticipated these changes a long back but was not expecting that these would come like this and going to shatter me. I was keeping my eyes wide shut about the fact. The person concerned about me is leaving me alone and marching ahead to win new hearts. I don’t know how to react and how to tackle this situation as my inside is deeply crying for the one who has left me aside.

I am an emotional fool

Now morning on grief all alone

We planned our future intact

Things fall flat when one broken our dreams

Mind and heart stuck to imbalance gust

She has started dreaming for her best

Left everything at ours all scotched

No one to adore, no one at the crest

None to share my love and worst

When emotions arrived at point of curtest

There is only 'me' with 'my inner tempest'

Oh God! Stop it now......

Death is the only truth in this world. Ones born must have to die? Then why we try to forget this truth and why we live in illusion being away from demise? Things are changing rapidly and new generation is driving it hard. Most of the people are self centered now whereas earlier people lived for the society. Luxuries are more and available at reasonable costs which earlier were not even in thought. New generation also lacking mental toughness and bend their boon in case of little pressure. Pressure of study, pressure of job, pressure of achieving something good and pressure of survival is putting them under more and more stress.

Farmers are sacrificing their lives because businessmen/ corporate houses are milking money on their sweat and paying them only peanuts. Many of the lives are on stack of share-market. If it booms then fine otherwise take away some lives every time whenever it falls drastically. South Asia is generally known as ‘suicidal capital’, nothing more to say about it. Couple of year back, I heard that during rainy season (South Aisa) more suicides have been done. It is because of the gloomy weather which offers passiveness.

Today writing all this is not my purpose but it is because last journey I had made to my hometown because of a suicide. A suicide committed by a juvenile of 14 years named Komal. Knowing about suicide is not new but it was committed by one of my close relative put all of us on trot to reach at hometown. I tried to recollect the face of that kid but got his appearance when he was of just 7-8 years. Now he was 5 feet 4 inches of height, thin but straight body, and fair in complexion with graceful face. He was good in study too and never felt pressure of anything.

His father is my cousin and mother is my sister by religion (Dharam Behan). They were having this son and a daughter. They have been visiting us almost everyday because my sister is a teacher in ‘Angan Balwadi School’ which is running in one of room. They narrated their desires of making house and establishing their own business to my mother most of the time and working towards that. Just couple of months back they constructed their new house and kept one room to their son and asked him to furnish it according to his wish. They were always saying him that ‘this room is to you and your wife’. They all were living as a happy family. His sudden demise is heartbreaking for everyone. Who ever heard about this run towards to home. Why he has done so, is not yet clear. His grand parents were saying they found him in depression from few days, they never thought that he was planning to go away from all of us. He hanged himself just like an expert. People were unable to open the nodes he had given to the cloth he used as tool finally they cut it with a dagger. In the moaning state parents are asking from everyone reason of his passiveness.

Suicides by the people degrading image of our village whereas list is getting longer and longer as the time moving:

• Mr. Dhania Ram found hanged in the jungle, it happened when I was kid.
• Mrs. Neema (wife of Mr. Devraj) consumed poisoned, her husband faced court case for this.
• Second wife of Mr. Devraj also hanged herself and his passion in the list of court and police become more critical.
• Mr. Devraj had also hanged himself.
• Mr. Mehar Singh consumed poison.
• Cousin of Mr. Mehar Singh also found dead in mysterious circumstances, which police marked as suicide later on.
• One girl consumed poison, reached hospital but declared dead.
• Finally this boy (Komal) hanged himself.

- Who is next now……………………………………………………………?

Hey God, give mental strength to all of your children living in this world ……. take them away but not with the way of suicide.