Tale of an old year : with resolution for the New Year!!!

Previous year has gone and become a history but this was one of the most eventual and critical at all spheres of my life. From my personal life to professional life all had taken a swift turn to put life slightly on the track. In verge of abusive relationship, I had sunk everything which I had been possessing, upon that most hazardously, I had lost my friends. I was in illusion of everything but past year had brought me into the realm of reality. In this post I am wishing to record my last year which has been changed my thinking, perspective and put me on the way of more maturity.

My professional life also suffered a lot, somewhere, now I am feeling that my efforts were not up to the mark. I have appeared in two interviews but did not get selected in any. These failures worked as eye opener for me and I had started preparing for upcoming interviews in more organized manner. Hopefully, in the new year, over the realization of disastrous last year, I may produce good results which I have been aspiring for

At social fronts, not been so social jinx continued with me in the past year too, but with more rigid manner. I am having tendency of being quite strait forward which people might not accept since I am nothing for them. This led to distraction as well as dissection and at end of the day list of enemies increased more. In this new year I shall cut shorten list of my enemies, therefore I’ll not make more enemies and would soon be patch up with all my buddies.

Only I had called destruction in my family life by keeping myself away from them. They all are innocent and seeing me as a good human being whereas I thrown them away for one or other reasons. I am their culprit, by being with them I could have been given more happiness to my family. Since, I am a family man so now considering myself more intact with all of them and wish for their happiness rather than mine.

As for my personal growth is concerned, past year had given me lots of opportunities to become or act as a matured person. I learnt a lot, viz. now I can control my anger in little better way, during irritation I can be more sensible then earlier days, I had learnt how to behave calmly in odd situations. Now, I realized that people can destroy you completely for their gains and happiness, inspite of their hypocrisies, I have to what I am. I am little more real which I had not been during last couple of years.

I have entered into the new year with a lot of positivity and doing integrative efforts to make my dreams true. In this new year, I’ll try to put everything back on track, professionally, personally, academically and socially as well. But my sincere new year resolution would be, not to make any enemy, will surely be cordial to everyone who comes across.

I wish all of you a very happy and prosperous New Year ahead!!!

Then what makes u cry...

Footsteps of others keeping strong imprints
i’m trying to walk away from the tread
there were many with me when i started
when things changed they look for rest
i am determinant to not to get back
moving ahead to make a try
feeling resistant as no one is there to hold
if i fall down in the clutches of pie


people who surrounded me for their happiness
they stayed with me to have rest on their rides
ones they recovered from outgoing breaths
they stood and moved ahead with others
as i’m there rival in the game of life
i cried, called them for togetherness
but they dint listen any of my voice
life is a mysterious net of relations
one can’t hold those meant for fly
emotions woven like nest of phoenix
feelings never going to die


life is mortal, everyone has to go
we come alone, walk alone
but emotions never go lone
souls get glued from distant corners
being together life become a desired heaven
all need to swallow glooms of heart
few are there who tear soul apart
on dooms’day, U ‘ll realize
what U gain and what U lost in the flow of life
abandon is the nature of your pry
now i’m away from U,
then what makes U cry

अम्मा आज भी रोती है...

तेरी आने की आहट आज भी उसको सताती है

तू उसे छोड़ कहाँ चला गया

आज भी उसकी आँखे बात बात पे भर आती है

तू दुनिया की भीड़ में कहीं खो गया

अम्मा तरसती रही पर तू दूर हो गया

वोह तुम्हारे टूटे खिलोने, वोह पहने हुए कपडे

आज भी उसकी दौलत है

मैं बस इतना बताना चाहू कि

अम्मा आज भी रोती है

तू भूल गया वोह दिन जब तुझे रोता देख

वोह तड़प जाती थी

तू बोल नहीं पता था पर

तुझे सीने से लगा के, रात और दिन तुझसे बतियाती थी

अँधेरे से बचने के लिए वोह तुझे काजल का टीका लगाती थी

वोह आंसू और सिसकियाँ चिला चिला के तुझे बुलाते हैं

मैं बस इतना बताना चाहू की

अम्मा आज भी रोती है

क्या कसूर उसका जो उसने तुम्हे जन्म दिया

अपने लहू का दूध बना कर तुझको सजदा किया

उसकी बेजान आँखे तेरी आने की राह तकती है

मैं बस इतना बताना चाहू की

तू अब देर न कर

अम्मा आज भी बहुत रोती है

A new day

For the last few months I was trying to consolidate my life on my desired way from a gloomy experience. Things have been coming back on the track and new thoughts are vividly shaping futuristic way of living. But a tease somewhere has been pinning around the heart, in spite of smoothing up most of things.

A couple of days back at 12 midnight (12am), a voice over the cell pierced all my thoughts and reminded me that I have already been entered in new year of my life. I was happy but somewhere expecting another call on the track which always been the first. The call dint come but I was happy and slept with the thinking to be good with everyone atleast on this very day of mine. In the morning, while getting ready for the office received another call from my near and dear ones who poured their unconditional love and care, the call from my previous office. Talking with all of them taken me into a new world and filled me with emotions. Whereas, somewhere down the corner, I was still expecting a needed call which did not come yet.

I was happy whole of the day as everything was progressed in much better way. I supposed to move out of the office but a call again stopped me to hold for sometime because they arranged a cake for the occasion. In the process I shared with one of my colleagues that today is my birth-day, he put it on notice of few others. The Cake, sent from thousands of miles away, arrived and all were there to cut it off, it was delicious and awesome. I am overwhelmed with the love and care all of you have offered to me. I would like to assure you all that this emotional bond of ours will always achieve new heights of strength. Thanks for being with me and making my day as memorable one.

 

The expected call dint turn up, which put smile on my face.

I am back again….!!!

At personal front, new flames are started lightening up. Day by day unique style of living is being experienced which offering positive energy to me, now and then. The desperation and negative thoughts started disappearing one by one. I am happy getting back to normal life. Most of the long pending tasks are also coming at the verge of finishing and some of them are in a proper flow. I am feeling happy to achieve most of the desired things of my life and finding myself ready for other targets too. All deeds who weakened bonds with my dear ones are also tightening up very strongly. I am getting back to my world which I had cut off due to some reasons. A shut back had thrown me on the earth from cloud ninth. It is paining emotionally but also sensing my heaven on the way. Cruelty and practicalities of one taught me the lesson of life. Thanks to all my friends who come strongly in favour of me and for saving me from the jaws of fatality.

Proximity of others now revealed as a crude debacle which laid on lie, fake, hypocrisy and artificiality all the way. It was a great learning experience even though it had taken three important years of life. However, illusive sight has vanished and natural vision fused up. Nothing much to say, except – I am back, I am back again….!!!

Transformation of life

As I revealed that my life has been changing rapidly. Things which were mine now it seems they never belong to me earlier. It was just my illusive thought of possession. That tenure is over and they are in the possession of others. Legally and socially, I have no right to hold them with me. So life is transforming from the ownership to companionship. Context of relationship has also been changed. My sobs do not keep any meaning during this transformation, instead it shows my weakness. I am realizing the change but do not want to accept it at all, so, knowingly pushing myself in emotional trauma, again and again.

I am not analyzing reality but wishing to be in virtual world by crossing all limits. Heart wants to stop at the weakened sentiments. But my brain is feeling happy and asking me to make best out of this dilemmatic situation which is not arises once in a whole life span. Therefore, concentrating on the outcome, adopting it by mind and getting adapted to this change of life. Yes, I need to put a positive attitude on whatever way I am going through. This seems to be a new incarnation of mine along with a sense of freedom which is getting transformed quickly.

I am alone

Life has changed to many folds in just couple of weeks’ time. I have been anticipated these changes a long back but was not expecting that these would come like this and going to shatter me. I was keeping my eyes wide shut about the fact. The person concerned about me is leaving me alone and marching ahead to win new hearts. I don’t know how to react and how to tackle this situation as my inside is deeply crying for the one who has left me aside.

I am an emotional fool

Now morning on grief all alone

We planned our future intact

Things fall flat when one broken our dreams

Mind and heart stuck to imbalance gust

She has started dreaming for her best

Left everything at ours all scotched

No one to adore, no one at the crest

None to share my love and worst

When emotions arrived at point of curtest

There is only 'me' with 'my inner tempest'