Divine gift of God!

The divine love of the heart,

I will say our meeting a divine one, which was planned by God itself, when we were so eager to meet each other, this divine force might be listening to our cries. We are so happy to have this gift of divine love. From the miles apart, we were recalling back the memories of our previous meetings, and unexpected started for our long awaited meeting. We were feeling ourselves on the cloud 9.

At last I found myself in front of my love, during the moments of wait also, he was with me in my thoughts. And our eyes reflected the happiness of being with each other. After sharing few moments in each other eyes, we left each other for sometime as we both had to finish up some jobs at our ends. With the virtue of being with my love, I felt my self full of courage and confident, my face was shinning with some divine magic. And able to achieve my job up to the highest satisfaction, that I was feeling first time for me, I was not worried about the result, but was too much happy.

And then my love came at my end after got free from the work, now we were free for each other, we had a little time with us, but had to live our life in those moments. We wanted to be lost in each other. So, tried to share lots of love by sharing thoughts. We were enjoying our togetherness in every thing while traveling, walking, talking and having our lunch in front of each other. Though heart was longing for more time, but mind was saying to have patience, so we tried to control ourselves up to these things.

After sometime, we left this beautiful city, and got bus, for stealing few more moments with each other, love decided to accompany me in my journey. And during our journey, we were so involve with each other, did not bother about the other world. We were lost in each other. And ultimately we reached at the destination after which we could not able to do anything for our togetherness. At this end, the helplessness can be seen in our eyes. But we were so happy and satisfied with this divine gift of God.

At last, we had to say bye to each other till next .……………….., from this last moment, I had started missing my love too much, he must be in same pain.

Thank God for blessing us with these lovely moments!

Can only be felt.

It cannot be revealed,

It cannot be seen.

You will never know the truth

I am madly in love with you but when you realize the state of my mind

Sacrificing my all smiles on you is the only way I know to love you

Smeared with your love I am surrendering myself to hide myself in you

I go away from this earth and you will never know this truth

I may not be blessed to have your whole love but

I know love is gift of divinity one gets and another not, although

I am wringing within the love you are pouring time to time on me.

Timely love pierced my heart but you will never know this truth

I can hide our love in myself, it would be safe and sound within me

The secret of loving you will remain secret as you wishing for

We can live and love to make whole our life through

Somewhere it teased but you will never know this truth

I pray, you hear the sound of my footsteps before my move

I pray, you see before me what I am going to see

I pray, you feel my emotions before my hiding them in smooth

I pray, you may never known the truth

Though, the day will come when you know the truth but

I may not be around you………….

I feel I have something to say…

A thought surprised me when it comes all of sudden in my mind, why I am writing on the Internet. Whether I am tapping the Internet for the sake of my name or do I really need to write. In search of base of this question, few other questions intrude in mind why I am contributing on two different weblogs, personal as well as professional one, does this really make a different sense?

Exploring answers for these questions, I sat quietly for longer hours and one by one tried to decode these.

Why I am writing? is the question which jittered me more. I started evaluating my psychology and recollected some of the snippets of my life - when poor relatives of mine lost their only earning hand. I wished to help them and the process of pacifying them forced me to write a long letter to them. I remember the untimely and unexpected death of maternal Grand Father, with whom I always wanted to talk more and more, on hearing about his death my disturbing sense forced me to write to him as we used to talk. My parents still keeping this document as a code of my relationship with him which nobody knowing when he was alive. In an another incident, my mother instead of much needed love, rebuked on me when I lost a little amount of money. I could not express my feelings to her but my conscious forced me to write suchlike my heart and mind experienced on that day. As now, I am in middle of my age, many things happen all around which give me concern of thinking and expressing myself. I am trying to give these happenings an insightful reflection in the form of letters. I am writing because I feel I have something to say……

Why I am contributing on two different weblogs? This is natural sense or non-sense in me to keep personal and professional matters separate. My professional webspace is profession centric and fully devoted to the profession. In this I am getting little articulative and manipulative while putting my thoughts across but basic professional fundaas remained the same. Although, I am not a good write or orator even then wish to be with my professional fellows in form of interactions. My profession is not simply a profession for me but it is my passion. I know, being a librarian or information manager, I have an important role to play in the society and have lots of promises to keep. Where I have to be behaved professionally even killing my very personal emotions. Therefore, sometime in my professional sense, I feel I have something to say……. to my profession.

In my personal weblog, I am exploring my innerself. Its vicinity remains within me only. This webspace (blog) is revealing myself to me as a social as well as emotional being. In this I write whatever I am wishing rather than getting imitative. This weblog gives me optimum satisfaction where I am not trying to consol anybody else except my soul. I write this weblog because I feel I have something to say…… to me and to my soul.

One day, all of a sudden

PART - I

One day, all of a sudden I started turning to a stone, left social structure behind. I moved on with a desire to achieve the patient. Profession comes and rescued me from the disturbance which I was facing inside me. But, one day, all of a sudden I got the desired one. The one whom I dreamed about. The chord of desires sparked the feelings and led both of us in a different world. We were happy all around. Life was there by being with each other. But one day all of a sudden all our dreams got structured in illusion. Circumstances forced us to be apart. Love started asking for scarifies before developing young. We started losing thread of our emotions and stances. Unending wait became the meaning of our relation. Misery of staying away is exceeding its limit. Heart seems to be overloaded with burden and power of tolerance is weakening up. The breath taking distance started giving pain all over. One day, all of a sudden, we felt the increasing distance. My blubbers did not revert to me with positivity. My desired one left me behind and begins living for others. And again, all of a sudden I started turning to a stone.

PART - II

I observed most of the time that my desired one can not leave others for me. My adorability might be not fitting on her aspirations, which forced her to leave me most of time. Though she never desires to leave me in such a way but she leaves. She carries forward with all the blockages between us quite smoothly which create reservations. My heart most of the time forced me not to think on this but my mind always feel to observe. And one day, all of a sudden my heart also started feeling insecure. Ever decreasing duration of our talks put more fire in it. May be I am not the appropriate choice of her and she has just surrendered or compromised. May be I am demanding unusual stuff.

But how can I forget that day, all of sudden she came into my life and poured her love and divinity on me. How can I forget her eyes, flowing tears from them after our every separation. Her smile, restless ness for me, her voice from terrace, her dreams which she has taken for both of us and her heart beats. All this assured me that, one day, all of sudden we both will surely achieve the dreams we have been dreaming.

One day, all of a sudden she would be mine and in my arms forever.

Careful, someone is watching you!!!

“God’s spirit was here, I felt it with my hands. They (Son and daughter in low) said, it is my illusion and mocked on my words. That spirit came to take my son from me, but I could not do anything to save him”, the grieved mother by getting breathless with sobs was telling to every one. I felt earth moved under my feet when I heard her. She was talking about the incident which had taken place just few hours before sudden demise of her son. When she was on her bed in the night, she felt someone there in her room. In the dark she touched the person with her hands and realized presence of a deadly black person. She got scared and shouted the name of her son for the help. Her son and daughter in law switched on the light and inquired about the incident. They could not believe on her narration about the presence of somebody in her room. But very next day she lost her son. “It was God’s spirit who came to take him”, she yelled. This was her only son and the most pitiful vistas of her life is that just couple of years back she lost her daughter and then her husband in mysterious circumstances. Now her daughter in law with two small kids is her family but there is no one to earn bread and butter to them.

I happened to be with deceased’s sister in the same vehicle which her in-laws hired to take her for completing rituals at her mother’s place. Nobody told her about the death of her brother. We all were trying to be normal infront of her. She was wondering about ill health of her mother even smiled on some of the talks. I was just thinking that what will happen when she come to know the truth. We were hearing mourns of women from the house. As stepping down from the vehicle someone told her about her brother's death and she got fainted and was dumb stuck after hearing this.

Life seems nothing to me at that point of time, it is merely a delusion and got feeling that ‘death’ is the only truth on this earth. The person runs behind luxuries, money and relations but what he/she will be getting at the end? But my biggest concern is how this mother will survive in this world of hypocrisies? She has to be a God to give life to her family. My thoughts took me to the meaningful Indian epics Ramayana and Mahabharata which decode the mystories aournd the actual meaning of death. I had read both these epics couple of times but realized the actual strength and legitimacy of these marathons today only. Still in today’s society, Ramayana shows the success of good or truth on bad or evil. Inspite of all failures truth always got success at the end and evil always lost. This preaches people to always be with good or truth. Whereas, Mahabharata shows that peace is the only religion in the society, so spread peace that may be on terms of evil’s death. Today, relevancy of Mahabharata is much more visible in the world on the light of terrorism which is like an evil all around.

All thoughts come into my mind in just a fraction of a second. Moans of women showed me a different part of life. The whole scenario forced me to behave well and be in the favour of good in my life as I have to meet my death which is waiting to grab me soon. On dooms day one of God’s spirits will come to snatch me from the people who created my world and emotionally attached with me. Since the life is very short I wish to be with my love who is my smile and happiness. I have started feeling of someone’s presence around me who is watching and forcing me to behave properly in this society.

Who am I…?

One question that always put me in dilemma is who am I? I ponder on my role in my family and in society as well. Somewhere I feel, an invisible power is directing me to act the way according to its wishes. Once I had desired to be with my mother all the time, but my education and now my jobs keeping me away from her. She is my mentor and her place is much higher than the God. If I calculate I have spent first 5-6 years my life in her lap after that my desire of being with her always remained desire only. My father, the honest man on this earth lives in dignity. I wish to be like him and try to copy him many of the occasions. His sleepless nights during my mental or physical illness and his all support make me confident and proud. I want to give him happiness through out his life which he had sacrificed to fulfill my demands. I feel that I am unable to give him full support due to various reasons. My brothers, who have always been with me in my childish activities, are now busy in creating their future and lives. I wish to be with them in the same way as we were during our childhood, although, I know the passed time never comes again. My friends had always felt my sincere and supportive nature. I too cut shorted all my desires, needs and requirements to help them but now I feel myself helpless to help them out. My beloved, whom I want to give all happiness of this universe, is far away from me. Whenever I wish to see her I can not, whenever I wish to talk her I can not. Whenever she is in need of me, I can not support her the way she desires. I know love does not need any support, since it is divine way of mutual togetherness, which never works like a burden but always works like a biggest support. But it’s my fate only which has not given to her any meaning of our love to feel proud on.

I have seen the people when I was in dark they kept themselves away from me and pushed me in more darkness. When I achieve the light they reminded me the days of our togetherness. From distant places they come near to me and been with me in the light. But again when I went in the dark again they left me alone and moved ahead.

I wonder, does achieving success is the only religion in this world or survival by beheading own people is the name of successful life. I do not want to be successful but want to see people happy who are around me. I do not know my part in this life, the invisible power who enforcing me to behave according to its needs is not allowing me to act the way I wish. I am trying to decode the question who am I and for what I have been on this earth with the people so close to me? Am I alone to feel like this or all others also feeling the pressure of someone other's on their wishes? Do my mother, father, brothers, friends and my beloved one also feel pressure on something while dealing with their desires? I am alone in search of who am I ...? But I am confident and believe to achieve all my dreams.

The great William Shakespeare, five hundreds years ago tried to answer this question with the lines in Act II of ‘As You like It’.

All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts.

Why I dont want to vote....

Election fever is predominantly transmitting allover, as election in India is approaching. Once again the illusive hype of politics making me paranoid from the democracy in which all parties keeping eyes on exploitation of socialism. At present, ‘religionism’ becomes the biggest threat to the society and embryonic divide of society in Poor and Rich is also creating paradoxes where poor are becoming poorer and rich are becoming more richer. It does not mean that I don’t like politics, I like it but only when it can be used as science for the social development, not for creating gaps between siblings.

Politics is good if it can be used as a science to help the society and other side, it is a most dangerous game when played with the objective of survival only. In my views, in our country politics has already been entered in our veins like blood. At local level, we have ‘Panchayati Raj’ system, where villagers form their own ‘Raj’ for the development of the local public. I have seen the nastiest scenes of dirty politics during elections in which party workers distribute money and wine to attract common people for votes. After getting the power, they have been allotting IRDP status, to the people who are economically very much sound and avail all the facilities being given by the government to the privileged group of people. The government schemes launched frequently for the poor or local people, known to few of them only. Most of the agriculture loans are have taken by the people who are already comes in high economic class. These people are getting agriculture loan at the interest of 6% or so and fixing them in other banks availing interest rate of 10% or so.

Even in educations for school educations politicians have framed different syllabus where private school can have their own syllabus. Don’t you feel this is again to dissect the public in two groups, i.e. poor and rich? The deprived people remain deprived from the feel of these facilities. At national level, we have hundreds of parties. Denudation of parties is a common phenomenon. During elections, Indian politics creates an allegoric comic sequences where no relation can be counted only survival become the final goal. Even finding a good leader from the population of more than a billion people is absolutely a daunting task. Even though, since two decades we are finding collative government after spending 1000 millions rupees during election from the money that belong to the public.

Why I don’t want to vote:

Mostly criminal nature people become more active to participate in election. The people who are really in the business of social service can adopt politics rarely, below one percent of the total leaders come in the category.

Academicians try to be away from the politics.

Most of the leaders remained indulge in the personal politics and least bother about the country in practical.

For one political seat we can find many contenders, even many of them not at all known to public.

Parties publish manifestos before the election and these manifestoes are never being evaluated after completion of their terms.

Suggestions:

An examination would be framed before allowing anybody for combating an election.

Criminal record can be taken seriously as we are considering it an offence while giving any government service to anybody.

Even elections at local level should monitor under the presence of cameras linked to national security systems.

Two party system need to be established.

Portfolio can be decided before the election. Though public may evaluate the strength of any leader with reference to that particular portfolio.

The complete bio-data of every leader should be published, so people can know about the leader whom they are voting for.

The evaluation of any government’s accomplished tasks during their regime with reference to their manifestos need to be done. A special committee should has been appointed for this.

Democracy is boon if used properly and it can be a ban if being misused by leaders of the country. Talking about politics is not my forte, but for many years I was thinking to talk on my personal views on politics in general and on Indian politics in particular. With this writing I don’t want to harm any of the individual who purely devoted themselves in politics. The way of interpretation can be different as we every individual keeps different perspective on each and everything. Mere seene mein nahi, to tere seene mein sahi ho kahi bhi aag lekin, aag jalni chahiye..........