Me and My World

Lying on the bed, I started thinking about me and my world. I am quite happy with my life but somewhere something is missing. What is it? Many people came across and given a lot from their lives to me. I too found them as an integral part of my life. If one by one I think about the care and love I have been looking for, is still in my desires. Though the time has almost gone, so expectations from the friends are also getting minimized day by day which giving satisfaction to my unconvinced relationships. Sometime I had put everything in relationship but dint get the same in lieu of it or might be my desires always asked for more and more. Sometime others had put almost everything for being in relationship with me but I never got that sense which had forced me to accept that even for a moment. Whatever may be the case of they are quite near to me, they given their honest or dishonest thoughts about me as known one which are always quite pleasing. I have been quite reserved in whole of my life and found myself with under developed senses till now. I spent my childhood with my cousin, always felt his pain in as mine but lost him when he stabbed me from far behind and treat him the most fictitious person of my life. He tore my heart in countless parts. I was breathless when he ditched me and now he became the person whom I hate utmost. In my initial years of schooling, one of my friend fought with few of the students who beaten me. I admired this friend of mine and after few years able to do the same for him when I fought with few others. This incident filled me with confidence. But suddenly in race of money he lost somewhere from my sight too. I still remember the day when I knocked the door of girl’s house to convey one of my best friends’ message to his beloved one. I tried my best for him all the time but when I saw him torturing his father, I lost faith on him. One of my friends was under debt for the sake of showing his status to his relatives. During my university days too, I was ditched by a person who was very close to me that he done on terms of one time meal. During my job again on whom I trusted opened my life like a notice board. In whole of this journey, I always tried to be serious in every moment of my life but also enjoyed my own follies with my rare friends. I have not been best in any front of my life but never been so bad too. This thoughtful discussion with myself come out with the answer of my slight dissatisfaction from the life. TRUST, yes this is ‘trust’ which I am still searching for and whom I can blindly trust on.

I am quite happy with the things happening around; all setbacks had given lot of confidence and strength to face the worst. I am happy with the life but not yet satisfied. I am still searching the way to feed my hunger of satisfaction through personal and professional ways. My satisfaction is not related to material by it is for emotional bonding with someone, to whom I can make understand and who fulfill my emotional needs with spark of light before utterance of my verbal expression.

It is our day.......so lovable!

The love which was blooming in our hearts, and on the Nov. 3rd, last year, we created a physical space for our feelings, we met first time to see the reflection of love in each other eyes. Each and every moment of that day has been resting in our minds with same freshness. That day is the most memorable one. We felt each other one soul, and from there we started the journey towards our most desired life together, still struggling to win it forever. After that day we had seen many hitches in stringent environment but we relished or pure love and togetherness.

Today, we have completed one year of our lovable day and have been recalling back the immortal reflections of the intimate moments. The way we planned, the way we travelled from different locations. Then the exchange of messages during journey and finally the moment our eyes met. What a pleasant and adorable sight that was! That time was so lovely when we were simply lost in each other and the feeling to find someone special was beyond any expression. We both still feel the soothing first touch of eachother. How can we forget our treasured first HUG and splendid kiss? The time was flown away like a light but we grasped the magic of that point of time in each other forever.

We thought of celebrating our most memorable day by being in each other and to live those moments again but could not manage it, as we were clutched in sharp teethes of time. However we still the freshness blossom in our hearts. Now re-living those moments in the inner heart is also really captivating.

We found our soul and have been committed to each other. The bound, we both are sharing really so amazing, full of devotion and purely divine. Today is our day.......so lovable!

May God bless us with the desired life in each other arms!!!

(Posted by we together on 'our virtual home')

Desirable moments

After a chaos of deserted hearts, we both were not in our senses. Even being in thoughts of the turmoil, was so horrifying and unbearable. At both ends the things had been happening in such an undesired way which led our lives towards hell. In these circumstances we decided to meet for overcoming from all odds between both of us.

After talking long hours, we both decided to sleep for few hours. I did not get my sleep and got ready for the journey very early in the morning. I reached the station in the darkness, though I was already late. She was with me almost whole of the journey through her love and care. She also started in the morning and reached just few minutes before me. She started waiting, just then my bus entered into the station, I saw her from the bus. Station was almost full of crowed, silently I touched her shoulder from the behind and tried to hide myself. She almost scared with this touch but after seeing me, started smiling. We were in the same way as we were earlier. We hired a vehicle and reached the university as decided earlier. I changed my t-shirt, we had our breakfast and moved around. She took me for a round, showed the places she frequently visited earlier and again wanted to visit in this tour. We both were happy. I was feeling little uncomfortable might be due to tiredness and want to have little rest.

We reached the destination, and entered the most desired place of our lives. We both were very happy and sat on the bed, she reminded me that we forget to hug each other. We hugged and loved each other. Then we shared loveliest moments of our lives. Everything was amazing and full of life. Her smile, talks and eyes all were pouring lots of love and care. Everything was so amazing, sharing of washroom, helping each other in bathing, taking food with her hands and drinking water with her lips. After dinner we went for walk and had ice-cream.

Night comes, we started loving each other shared lots of talk but suddenly I felt sleep started overpowering on me. She tried her best to keep me waking but I could not hold for long. In the morning we realized the shortage of time but started getting ready for the journey towards our destinations. We were so close to each other in the journey and had our last drink together as usual at the station. Again but highly phenomenal meeting ended with so much love and care. We were on the way to our destinations but were together by hearts and thoughts.

This meeting has shattered out all the ill elements of our hearts and mind. It is the most desirable and exceptionally well togetherness we had.

Love always blossoms

Our thoughts were muddling all over with passiveness; things were not going as per our desires. We both were mum but were trying to solve the riddle of undesired happenings in our relationship. I observed that my behaviour has been changed a lot in last couple of months. I started feeling my soul has also become more careless about me. I found her more rigid as my rude behaviour towards her. We fought and got indulged regularly in arguments. She was trying her sincere efforts to spread peace with lots of love between both of us. My soul has been loved me a lot and now my expectations has also gone high to get more and more love from her. Moreover, situations have also gone horrifying day by day. I was loosing my temper most of the time and getting heated on every little talk but found myself on her feet at very next moment. Why this is happening between us else I know my life is nothing without her. Am I psychic or gone mad? I can not expect my life even one second without my soul than why this distress is there between both of us?

Why my soul is little unfussy while dealing with me? She must be quite positive towards our relationship or might be this is her nature which provoking her rigidity. All the time I started looking for her positive heart while being with me may be through any communication medium but thoughts start sensing negativity while she been away from me. What is happening to me? Even in these critical situations, I found an invisible force that always sparked our togetherness. I didn’t realize whenever keenly or sharply I had looked to find it.

After concentrating and venerating hard, I cracked the code of that hidden force who keep blossoming our love. This hidden or invisible force is pure and divine love of my soul. Thousand of flowers bloom in my heart whenever she pours all her love on me. Her cute smile, lively giggle while sharing her sweet talks gives reasons to die for. My soul, don’t wait, come straightaway into me which is your happy home. Lovi, together we will live and love like phoenix with the song of love which always blossoms.

कुछ सोच रही है .........

चिलचिलाती धूप में, पत्थर कूटती माँ

कुछ सोच रही है .........

सूखे हुए होंठ, पसीने से तरबतर बदन

काली सियाह बीमार आँखे, आसमान को देख रही हैं

थक कर चूर, टूटती हुयी हिम्मत

टूटे हुए सपनो में झाँक रही है

नाजो से पली बाप की लाडली, आज किस मोड़ पर खड़ी है

नम आंखे सब कह रही है

चिलचिलाती धूप में, पत्थर कूटती माँ

कुछ सोच रही है .........

दो दिनों से बीमार है और कल से कुछ नहीं खाया

कहाँ है वोह समाज जिसने उसको अपनाकर ठुकराया

कल सब पास आने के लिए तरसते थे आज कोई देखता भी नहीं

कल असमान छूना था और आज मौत भी आती नहीं

चिलचिलाती धूप में, पत्थर कूटती माँ

कुछ सोच रही है .........

पास में गंदे से चीथडो में लिपटी हुए उसकी लाडली की किलकारी

सब भ्रम तोड़ रही है

मुथियन भींच लेती है और चेहरा सखत हो जाता है

येही है उसकी दुनिया जिसके लिए उसे जीना है

उसकी लाडली ने ही उसके टूटे हुए सपनो को शीना है

चिलचिलाती धूप में, पत्थर कूटती माँ

सोच रही है कि.........

"बस उसकी लाडली के लिए एक वक्त का दूध मिल जाये"

चिलचिलाती धूप में, पत्थर कूटती माँ

कुछ सोच रही है .........

सपनो में कही......

निगाहों से दूर, सपनो में कही वोह नज़र आती तो होगी

अपनों की दुनिया में अब हमेशा मुश्कारती तो होगी

वोह लरज़ते होंठ, वोह मखमली आवाज

आँखों में बसी उसके काजल की धार

किसी और की दुनिया को स्वर्ग बनती तो होगी

निगाहों से दूर, सपनो में कही वोह नज़र आती तो होगी

हे मुशाफिर कियों दूंदता है भूले हुए ज़माने को

छोडा है जिसने तुमको अपनों में सताने को

गहराई तनाहियों की आँखे बताती तो होंगी

मचलती चाहत मिलने को सताती तो होगी

निगाहों से दूर, सपनो में कही वोह नज़र आती तो होगी

हर बात पे उसकी गला रुंध सा कियों जाता है

पैबंद जिगर पर होने का अहसाश करा जाता है

वोह हंसी, वोह शर्म, वोह लाज का घूंघट लगाती तो होगी

कही दूर किसी जिन्दगी को जिन्दगी बनाती तो होगी

निगाहों से दूर, सपनो में कही वोह नज़र आती तो होगी

Why Lovers Fight......?

An online survey taken out for decoding the mystery of ‘why lovers fight’, which revealed that 31% of the lovers fight on money related issues, 28% on household chores and 25% due to problematic in-laws. An Australian Researcher Richard Ronay and other researchers from Queensland University are going to examine the reasons and styles of conflicts between lovers more than one year relationship.

But I do not considered them lovers who fight with the above said reasons. They are not at all in love. Love is the healthiest and pure emotions of attachment. Lovers can fight when they do not get much time to share between each other and frustrations led them to arguments. Money never comes in between lovers if they are divinely involved in each other.

Lovers fight when:

One – lovers fight when they do not get much time to remain together.

Two – They fight if one from two does not respect the spoken words of other.

Three – Their ego lead them to fight.

Four – If one started lacking confidence on other one.

Five – Casual in approach at any of the end.

Six – carelessness towards each others emotions.

Seven – One started feeling burdened in between.

Eight – when ones feelings started suppressing.

Nine – When chord of emotions started diminishing.

Ten – when both of them remained busy in other things even being together.

This is the reason of my life

Breeze stopped and asked the reason of my delight

I said…..

Her lips smeared with colour of love

Ocean of adorability in eyes seems be clubbed

Smile swear of heavenly anything

Chirping of soothing voice creates new world

Her hearing of my unsaid wishes

Give me fresh breath and chord of light

Hey breeze this is the reason of my delight

Breeze stopped and asked the reason of my fright

I said…..

Unbearably thirst for her at every step

Tight-lips of her revealed a different flap

Red-eyes gazed me when trap me little away

Breaths start lowering down and down

Sometime all emotions go silent with a jolted plight

Hey breeze this is the reason of my fright

Breeze stopped and asked the reason of my zest

I said…..

Change is the only cure for emotional scars

I will reach from where I have started the crest

My own hearts brought me at this thrash

I got the meaning of life, move on , on and nowhere to rest

Hardwork, hardwork and hardwork always pays in best

Hey breeze this is the reason of my zest

Breeze stopped and asked the reason of my civility

I said….

I am indebted to my parents who showed me this world

My brothers stand by me as my part in all my deeds

Friends give reason to smile in dread

My love hold me up the way she knead

I am indebted to all who give me thought to subtlety

Hey breeze this is the reason of my civility

Breeze stopped and asked the reason of my life

I said…..

Life is nothing when it goes smooth

Life is life when gives worst to face

Leaving in hell and giving smile on parents face

Bear slithers to facilitate friends

Living in solitude but act in shared might

Hey breeze this is the reason of my life

...... this is the reason of my life

Divine gift of God!

The divine love of the heart,

I will say our meeting a divine one, which was planned by God itself, when we were so eager to meet each other, this divine force might be listening to our cries. We are so happy to have this gift of divine love. From the miles apart, we were recalling back the memories of our previous meetings, and unexpected started for our long awaited meeting. We were feeling ourselves on the cloud 9.

At last I found myself in front of my love, during the moments of wait also, he was with me in my thoughts. And our eyes reflected the happiness of being with each other. After sharing few moments in each other eyes, we left each other for sometime as we both had to finish up some jobs at our ends. With the virtue of being with my love, I felt my self full of courage and confident, my face was shinning with some divine magic. And able to achieve my job up to the highest satisfaction, that I was feeling first time for me, I was not worried about the result, but was too much happy.

And then my love came at my end after got free from the work, now we were free for each other, we had a little time with us, but had to live our life in those moments. We wanted to be lost in each other. So, tried to share lots of love by sharing thoughts. We were enjoying our togetherness in every thing while traveling, walking, talking and having our lunch in front of each other. Though heart was longing for more time, but mind was saying to have patience, so we tried to control ourselves up to these things.

After sometime, we left this beautiful city, and got bus, for stealing few more moments with each other, love decided to accompany me in my journey. And during our journey, we were so involve with each other, did not bother about the other world. We were lost in each other. And ultimately we reached at the destination after which we could not able to do anything for our togetherness. At this end, the helplessness can be seen in our eyes. But we were so happy and satisfied with this divine gift of God.

At last, we had to say bye to each other till next .……………….., from this last moment, I had started missing my love too much, he must be in same pain.

Thank God for blessing us with these lovely moments!

Can only be felt.

It cannot be revealed,

It cannot be seen.

You will never know the truth

I am madly in love with you but when you realize the state of my mind

Sacrificing my all smiles on you is the only way I know to love you

Smeared with your love I am surrendering myself to hide myself in you

I go away from this earth and you will never know this truth

I may not be blessed to have your whole love but

I know love is gift of divinity one gets and another not, although

I am wringing within the love you are pouring time to time on me.

Timely love pierced my heart but you will never know this truth

I can hide our love in myself, it would be safe and sound within me

The secret of loving you will remain secret as you wishing for

We can live and love to make whole our life through

Somewhere it teased but you will never know this truth

I pray, you hear the sound of my footsteps before my move

I pray, you see before me what I am going to see

I pray, you feel my emotions before my hiding them in smooth

I pray, you may never known the truth

Though, the day will come when you know the truth but

I may not be around you………….

I feel I have something to say…

A thought surprised me when it comes all of sudden in my mind, why I am writing on the Internet. Whether I am tapping the Internet for the sake of my name or do I really need to write. In search of base of this question, few other questions intrude in mind why I am contributing on two different weblogs, personal as well as professional one, does this really make a different sense?

Exploring answers for these questions, I sat quietly for longer hours and one by one tried to decode these.

Why I am writing? is the question which jittered me more. I started evaluating my psychology and recollected some of the snippets of my life - when poor relatives of mine lost their only earning hand. I wished to help them and the process of pacifying them forced me to write a long letter to them. I remember the untimely and unexpected death of maternal Grand Father, with whom I always wanted to talk more and more, on hearing about his death my disturbing sense forced me to write to him as we used to talk. My parents still keeping this document as a code of my relationship with him which nobody knowing when he was alive. In an another incident, my mother instead of much needed love, rebuked on me when I lost a little amount of money. I could not express my feelings to her but my conscious forced me to write suchlike my heart and mind experienced on that day. As now, I am in middle of my age, many things happen all around which give me concern of thinking and expressing myself. I am trying to give these happenings an insightful reflection in the form of letters. I am writing because I feel I have something to say……

Why I am contributing on two different weblogs? This is natural sense or non-sense in me to keep personal and professional matters separate. My professional webspace is profession centric and fully devoted to the profession. In this I am getting little articulative and manipulative while putting my thoughts across but basic professional fundaas remained the same. Although, I am not a good write or orator even then wish to be with my professional fellows in form of interactions. My profession is not simply a profession for me but it is my passion. I know, being a librarian or information manager, I have an important role to play in the society and have lots of promises to keep. Where I have to be behaved professionally even killing my very personal emotions. Therefore, sometime in my professional sense, I feel I have something to say……. to my profession.

In my personal weblog, I am exploring my innerself. Its vicinity remains within me only. This webspace (blog) is revealing myself to me as a social as well as emotional being. In this I write whatever I am wishing rather than getting imitative. This weblog gives me optimum satisfaction where I am not trying to consol anybody else except my soul. I write this weblog because I feel I have something to say…… to me and to my soul.

One day, all of a sudden

PART - I

One day, all of a sudden I started turning to a stone, left social structure behind. I moved on with a desire to achieve the patient. Profession comes and rescued me from the disturbance which I was facing inside me. But, one day, all of a sudden I got the desired one. The one whom I dreamed about. The chord of desires sparked the feelings and led both of us in a different world. We were happy all around. Life was there by being with each other. But one day all of a sudden all our dreams got structured in illusion. Circumstances forced us to be apart. Love started asking for scarifies before developing young. We started losing thread of our emotions and stances. Unending wait became the meaning of our relation. Misery of staying away is exceeding its limit. Heart seems to be overloaded with burden and power of tolerance is weakening up. The breath taking distance started giving pain all over. One day, all of a sudden, we felt the increasing distance. My blubbers did not revert to me with positivity. My desired one left me behind and begins living for others. And again, all of a sudden I started turning to a stone.

PART - II

I observed most of the time that my desired one can not leave others for me. My adorability might be not fitting on her aspirations, which forced her to leave me most of time. Though she never desires to leave me in such a way but she leaves. She carries forward with all the blockages between us quite smoothly which create reservations. My heart most of the time forced me not to think on this but my mind always feel to observe. And one day, all of a sudden my heart also started feeling insecure. Ever decreasing duration of our talks put more fire in it. May be I am not the appropriate choice of her and she has just surrendered or compromised. May be I am demanding unusual stuff.

But how can I forget that day, all of sudden she came into my life and poured her love and divinity on me. How can I forget her eyes, flowing tears from them after our every separation. Her smile, restless ness for me, her voice from terrace, her dreams which she has taken for both of us and her heart beats. All this assured me that, one day, all of sudden we both will surely achieve the dreams we have been dreaming.

One day, all of a sudden she would be mine and in my arms forever.

Careful, someone is watching you!!!

“God’s spirit was here, I felt it with my hands. They (Son and daughter in low) said, it is my illusion and mocked on my words. That spirit came to take my son from me, but I could not do anything to save him”, the grieved mother by getting breathless with sobs was telling to every one. I felt earth moved under my feet when I heard her. She was talking about the incident which had taken place just few hours before sudden demise of her son. When she was on her bed in the night, she felt someone there in her room. In the dark she touched the person with her hands and realized presence of a deadly black person. She got scared and shouted the name of her son for the help. Her son and daughter in law switched on the light and inquired about the incident. They could not believe on her narration about the presence of somebody in her room. But very next day she lost her son. “It was God’s spirit who came to take him”, she yelled. This was her only son and the most pitiful vistas of her life is that just couple of years back she lost her daughter and then her husband in mysterious circumstances. Now her daughter in law with two small kids is her family but there is no one to earn bread and butter to them.

I happened to be with deceased’s sister in the same vehicle which her in-laws hired to take her for completing rituals at her mother’s place. Nobody told her about the death of her brother. We all were trying to be normal infront of her. She was wondering about ill health of her mother even smiled on some of the talks. I was just thinking that what will happen when she come to know the truth. We were hearing mourns of women from the house. As stepping down from the vehicle someone told her about her brother's death and she got fainted and was dumb stuck after hearing this.

Life seems nothing to me at that point of time, it is merely a delusion and got feeling that ‘death’ is the only truth on this earth. The person runs behind luxuries, money and relations but what he/she will be getting at the end? But my biggest concern is how this mother will survive in this world of hypocrisies? She has to be a God to give life to her family. My thoughts took me to the meaningful Indian epics Ramayana and Mahabharata which decode the mystories aournd the actual meaning of death. I had read both these epics couple of times but realized the actual strength and legitimacy of these marathons today only. Still in today’s society, Ramayana shows the success of good or truth on bad or evil. Inspite of all failures truth always got success at the end and evil always lost. This preaches people to always be with good or truth. Whereas, Mahabharata shows that peace is the only religion in the society, so spread peace that may be on terms of evil’s death. Today, relevancy of Mahabharata is much more visible in the world on the light of terrorism which is like an evil all around.

All thoughts come into my mind in just a fraction of a second. Moans of women showed me a different part of life. The whole scenario forced me to behave well and be in the favour of good in my life as I have to meet my death which is waiting to grab me soon. On dooms day one of God’s spirits will come to snatch me from the people who created my world and emotionally attached with me. Since the life is very short I wish to be with my love who is my smile and happiness. I have started feeling of someone’s presence around me who is watching and forcing me to behave properly in this society.

Who am I…?

One question that always put me in dilemma is who am I? I ponder on my role in my family and in society as well. Somewhere I feel, an invisible power is directing me to act the way according to its wishes. Once I had desired to be with my mother all the time, but my education and now my jobs keeping me away from her. She is my mentor and her place is much higher than the God. If I calculate I have spent first 5-6 years my life in her lap after that my desire of being with her always remained desire only. My father, the honest man on this earth lives in dignity. I wish to be like him and try to copy him many of the occasions. His sleepless nights during my mental or physical illness and his all support make me confident and proud. I want to give him happiness through out his life which he had sacrificed to fulfill my demands. I feel that I am unable to give him full support due to various reasons. My brothers, who have always been with me in my childish activities, are now busy in creating their future and lives. I wish to be with them in the same way as we were during our childhood, although, I know the passed time never comes again. My friends had always felt my sincere and supportive nature. I too cut shorted all my desires, needs and requirements to help them but now I feel myself helpless to help them out. My beloved, whom I want to give all happiness of this universe, is far away from me. Whenever I wish to see her I can not, whenever I wish to talk her I can not. Whenever she is in need of me, I can not support her the way she desires. I know love does not need any support, since it is divine way of mutual togetherness, which never works like a burden but always works like a biggest support. But it’s my fate only which has not given to her any meaning of our love to feel proud on.

I have seen the people when I was in dark they kept themselves away from me and pushed me in more darkness. When I achieve the light they reminded me the days of our togetherness. From distant places they come near to me and been with me in the light. But again when I went in the dark again they left me alone and moved ahead.

I wonder, does achieving success is the only religion in this world or survival by beheading own people is the name of successful life. I do not want to be successful but want to see people happy who are around me. I do not know my part in this life, the invisible power who enforcing me to behave according to its needs is not allowing me to act the way I wish. I am trying to decode the question who am I and for what I have been on this earth with the people so close to me? Am I alone to feel like this or all others also feeling the pressure of someone other's on their wishes? Do my mother, father, brothers, friends and my beloved one also feel pressure on something while dealing with their desires? I am alone in search of who am I ...? But I am confident and believe to achieve all my dreams.

The great William Shakespeare, five hundreds years ago tried to answer this question with the lines in Act II of ‘As You like It’.

All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts.

Why I dont want to vote....

Election fever is predominantly transmitting allover, as election in India is approaching. Once again the illusive hype of politics making me paranoid from the democracy in which all parties keeping eyes on exploitation of socialism. At present, ‘religionism’ becomes the biggest threat to the society and embryonic divide of society in Poor and Rich is also creating paradoxes where poor are becoming poorer and rich are becoming more richer. It does not mean that I don’t like politics, I like it but only when it can be used as science for the social development, not for creating gaps between siblings.

Politics is good if it can be used as a science to help the society and other side, it is a most dangerous game when played with the objective of survival only. In my views, in our country politics has already been entered in our veins like blood. At local level, we have ‘Panchayati Raj’ system, where villagers form their own ‘Raj’ for the development of the local public. I have seen the nastiest scenes of dirty politics during elections in which party workers distribute money and wine to attract common people for votes. After getting the power, they have been allotting IRDP status, to the people who are economically very much sound and avail all the facilities being given by the government to the privileged group of people. The government schemes launched frequently for the poor or local people, known to few of them only. Most of the agriculture loans are have taken by the people who are already comes in high economic class. These people are getting agriculture loan at the interest of 6% or so and fixing them in other banks availing interest rate of 10% or so.

Even in educations for school educations politicians have framed different syllabus where private school can have their own syllabus. Don’t you feel this is again to dissect the public in two groups, i.e. poor and rich? The deprived people remain deprived from the feel of these facilities. At national level, we have hundreds of parties. Denudation of parties is a common phenomenon. During elections, Indian politics creates an allegoric comic sequences where no relation can be counted only survival become the final goal. Even finding a good leader from the population of more than a billion people is absolutely a daunting task. Even though, since two decades we are finding collative government after spending 1000 millions rupees during election from the money that belong to the public.

Why I don’t want to vote:

Mostly criminal nature people become more active to participate in election. The people who are really in the business of social service can adopt politics rarely, below one percent of the total leaders come in the category.

Academicians try to be away from the politics.

Most of the leaders remained indulge in the personal politics and least bother about the country in practical.

For one political seat we can find many contenders, even many of them not at all known to public.

Parties publish manifestos before the election and these manifestoes are never being evaluated after completion of their terms.

Suggestions:

An examination would be framed before allowing anybody for combating an election.

Criminal record can be taken seriously as we are considering it an offence while giving any government service to anybody.

Even elections at local level should monitor under the presence of cameras linked to national security systems.

Two party system need to be established.

Portfolio can be decided before the election. Though public may evaluate the strength of any leader with reference to that particular portfolio.

The complete bio-data of every leader should be published, so people can know about the leader whom they are voting for.

The evaluation of any government’s accomplished tasks during their regime with reference to their manifestos need to be done. A special committee should has been appointed for this.

Democracy is boon if used properly and it can be a ban if being misused by leaders of the country. Talking about politics is not my forte, but for many years I was thinking to talk on my personal views on politics in general and on Indian politics in particular. With this writing I don’t want to harm any of the individual who purely devoted themselves in politics. The way of interpretation can be different as we every individual keeps different perspective on each and everything. Mere seene mein nahi, to tere seene mein sahi ho kahi bhi aag lekin, aag jalni chahiye..........

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My Diary
05.03.2009 (Thursday)

Since we ended our night talk improper way, I woke up by her call early in the morning today. My day starts with her voice, love and lots of care. She called before getting ready for the office and also called after reaching in the office. I left my bed on her direction and reached in the office exact on time.

In office, after clearing few official issues, we talked. Today also we shared a few calls of 20 plus minutes apart from few very short talks. I was feeling little passive without any reason. Many of the time I felt her consciousness might be due to the longer talk and the people around her must have calculating her time on the cell. Even her principal also commented her about the time she holds the cell.

I don’t know what to do, hearing her voice is my weakness and everywhere some or other thing is happening which forcing us to minimize our interaction. Really I am quite upset with these developments, now can not hear her in the office as well as in her house. What to do? Should I start behaving tough with myself for controlling my desires to hear her? No no... I knew I am heartless, if once start thinking out of my heart may convert me into a stone once again. Naah, I can not imagine my life without her.

We had our evening talk too, but again it was not completely on our love but shifted on others. My brain has forced me to think over the issues which should not be there in our discussion but now started coming up. I am feeling her pain, by putting myself on her place. All these pains are given by me, a useless stone which she is carving with her love. I am thinking seriously over her pain.

Received her a very short call with full of love while coming to my house. Prepared my dinner and start working over Internet. She called up and came online after 10.40pm. Today Internet was giving some problem, once again we could not chat properly even could not talk to each other over the phone as we used to. I am desperate to see her, want to touch her. This chat and talk is not giving satisfaction anymore at this moment. My love is so lovable but being her love could not even see her. What a badluck I have and what a fate given by God where I can not even see my love.

Sensing something.....

My Diary

04.03.2009 (Wednesday)

Her call woke me up in the morning. All my days in which I got up by hearing her voice go incredibly well. Her voice brings me exceptional strength and activeness for the day. I was on bed when she again called me from her office. I got ready for the office as instructed by her and then while doing my breakfast try to talk to her to show that I am in actual having my breakfast. She was busy so ended that call quickly.

After reaching, I sent her mails and then talked to her. I was feeling so fresh as my day started with her voice.

We shared few quite a good (long) talks, even sometime she felt conscious because of the people she was surrounded might have observing her over the phone. Then we waited for our evening talk. I dint do anything during the gaps we had given between two talks. Whole day has gone with her lots of love. She was very busy with loads of work in the office but given maximum of her time for me.

During evening again she poured all her love while talking. But evening talk was interrupted once or twice due to some reasons at my as well as her end and finally the call ended without any proper way.

She called me up at 7pm and then at around 8pm. The day was going in astonishing way of loving each other. She came online at 10.30pm. But I felt we have not talked on any of the issue in this chatting, even found her speechless at few of the occasion. Suddenly, I thought not to hold her for long when she was not getting words to chat. Before ending our chat, I loved her pics. She is my life but don’t know where and why she got lost somewhere. I was angry.

We talked for around 6 minutes as I was feeling she was not comfortable on the net while chatting with me. I was in very bad mood. She loved me but disconnected the phone by getting irritated on my behaviour. I think first time she ended her talk in this manner. I lost my sleep the way this lovely day has ended. Surly this is not a good sign for us. When ego clashes everything fall apart. I place my apology on my cracked behaviour. I normally got caught by this type of tempter but she never. She is so sweet and lovable, even much better than GOD. Love u my love.

On the way to sleepless nights

My Diary

03.03.2009 (Tuesday)

Today is 3rd our memorable day, for this occasion wishing my love and praying to my almighty God for bless us with everyday of our lives like our memorable day.

Yesterday, we had a light but long talk. I was astonished with the pure love she is showering. Today, again did not get my sleep properly did not know when I got sleep in the morning. I woke up with her call, my eyes were little heavy but I felt that whole of my day would surly be going incredible because I heard voice of my love. She again called up me after reaching her office she got disconnected on the terms that she would be calling me back soon. I was not in the mood to go anywhere was just lying on the bed and was deeply involved in her thoughts. Just then again got her call, she asked me to take my breakfast and get ready for the office. Do not know why blindly I follow her words even can hide anything from her, but never got this much courage to go against her words. I reached my office after almost half an hour.

I was very happy to receive her few calls since morning, it was great after many days, I heard this much of calls from her even those were in 3 hours. We shared long long talks today. It was really a wonderful day for me, as found her so much close to me. Now again, I have started realizing strength of our love and her devotion for our love.

For office, just discussed few things with my staff about our projects, it was just a routine work only. But tried to spend most of my time in her thoughts, I like to see her everywhere around me.

Evening talk was again the same as we used to have. She poured her all love as always. Her way of talking always fascinates me. She is incredible sweet and lovable. We broken the talk as she said would be calling after 2 hours or so. She got busy in her household jobs and I also left the office to reach early at my room to get involved in her dreams and thoughts, this has been my every day routine. After reaching at the room, I started waiting her. Each and every second was started giving load of tons weight but she dint come. I was restless for not receiving even a message from her side and get into tears soon. Later she came and revealed about her limitation and situation of this delay.

She came online but again got slightly late. Don't know from where the thought came 'she wants to keep me away, so started making these delay". I felt guilty on thinking this way and throw away this unwanted thought, as I can see her divine eyes with full of spark for our love. Just then she came. We again shared a beautiful talk, I loved her pics and her too but suddenly she left on thought of present situation at her end. She has gone to sleep with the words that she will wake me up whenever she come out from her sleep. Again thoughts our 3rd memorable day came into my mind and now started waiting her as she said she may come as well as start writing these lines about my day.

From my very Personal Diary - II

My Treads - II
(From my very Personal Diary)

31st May, 1999

I was happy when heard that I have been selected for the post. I was at ninth cloud and was feeling as I have won the biggest battle of my life. I rushed to my home and informed my family about the selection. They were also happy and got little relaxed from my side now. Being an introvert person I always tried to hide my emotions even could not shown up and shared my excitement of this news with my friends. I did not know how whole day gone and evening came. I gone to my bed for sleep, I switched off the light and tried to sleep. Just then, I recalled my days when I was measuring all nearby roads for hunting a job. Everyday going pillar to post in search of job by feet made me suffered with leg pains, the shoes were spoiled and before going to any interview I used to send them to a ‘mochi’ (cobbler) for repairing. I remembered the day when unwillingly I took up a job of electrician, where once got humiliated by the owner and one manager of a client company. I remembered the time when I used to walk 10 Kms (20 Kms. to and fro) everyday to reach my work place for 7 months and traveled once in an every week in local bus. My introvert nature and unkind behaviour of owner put me in tears few times. I remembered the days when I worked in an industry where I walked away from the office during lunch times by lie to my colleagues that I am going to take my lunch outside, since skipped my lunches to purchase something for my family members. All these work places had given me a different style of observation. The faces of all the people who humiliated and dishonored me started moving infront of my eyes. I felt they all were shouting on me the way they used to. Just then, my mother called me for tea and broken my rhythm of thoughts. I found, that my eyes were burning, body was sweating and feelings were annoyed. I realized those faces who shouted on me, humiliated me but thanked them for provoking me to do something to shut their mouths. I am determinant that one day I will shut their mouth off and would make them realize that they have done blunder in their lives.

God, give me strength and sense to understand diplomatic ‘love’ and ‘hate’ emotions of others towards me, which I found most difficult feelings to understand at this point of time all around.

Past has shown the way to future
one day I’ll be there, where I desire
destructive fire in which I’m going through
melting me but burning my ashes to the crude
people who killed me, might be true
they provoked me and my aspires
one day I’ll be there, where I desire

Today after a decade, I would like to place my sincere thanks and gratitude to My Dear God who blessed me with lots of friends who I always desired which are pure and divine.