One day, all of a sudden

PART - I

One day, all of a sudden I started turning to a stone, left social structure behind. I moved on with a desire to achieve the patient. Profession comes and rescued me from the disturbance which I was facing inside me. But, one day, all of a sudden I got the desired one. The one whom I dreamed about. The chord of desires sparked the feelings and led both of us in a different world. We were happy all around. Life was there by being with each other. But one day all of a sudden all our dreams got structured in illusion. Circumstances forced us to be apart. Love started asking for scarifies before developing young. We started losing thread of our emotions and stances. Unending wait became the meaning of our relation. Misery of staying away is exceeding its limit. Heart seems to be overloaded with burden and power of tolerance is weakening up. The breath taking distance started giving pain all over. One day, all of a sudden, we felt the increasing distance. My blubbers did not revert to me with positivity. My desired one left me behind and begins living for others. And again, all of a sudden I started turning to a stone.

PART - II

I observed most of the time that my desired one can not leave others for me. My adorability might be not fitting on her aspirations, which forced her to leave me most of time. Though she never desires to leave me in such a way but she leaves. She carries forward with all the blockages between us quite smoothly which create reservations. My heart most of the time forced me not to think on this but my mind always feel to observe. And one day, all of a sudden my heart also started feeling insecure. Ever decreasing duration of our talks put more fire in it. May be I am not the appropriate choice of her and she has just surrendered or compromised. May be I am demanding unusual stuff.

But how can I forget that day, all of sudden she came into my life and poured her love and divinity on me. How can I forget her eyes, flowing tears from them after our every separation. Her smile, restless ness for me, her voice from terrace, her dreams which she has taken for both of us and her heart beats. All this assured me that, one day, all of sudden we both will surely achieve the dreams we have been dreaming.

One day, all of a sudden she would be mine and in my arms forever.

Careful, someone is watching you!!!

“God’s spirit was here, I felt it with my hands. They (Son and daughter in low) said, it is my illusion and mocked on my words. That spirit came to take my son from me, but I could not do anything to save him”, the grieved mother by getting breathless with sobs was telling to every one. I felt earth moved under my feet when I heard her. She was talking about the incident which had taken place just few hours before sudden demise of her son. When she was on her bed in the night, she felt someone there in her room. In the dark she touched the person with her hands and realized presence of a deadly black person. She got scared and shouted the name of her son for the help. Her son and daughter in law switched on the light and inquired about the incident. They could not believe on her narration about the presence of somebody in her room. But very next day she lost her son. “It was God’s spirit who came to take him”, she yelled. This was her only son and the most pitiful vistas of her life is that just couple of years back she lost her daughter and then her husband in mysterious circumstances. Now her daughter in law with two small kids is her family but there is no one to earn bread and butter to them.

I happened to be with deceased’s sister in the same vehicle which her in-laws hired to take her for completing rituals at her mother’s place. Nobody told her about the death of her brother. We all were trying to be normal infront of her. She was wondering about ill health of her mother even smiled on some of the talks. I was just thinking that what will happen when she come to know the truth. We were hearing mourns of women from the house. As stepping down from the vehicle someone told her about her brother's death and she got fainted and was dumb stuck after hearing this.

Life seems nothing to me at that point of time, it is merely a delusion and got feeling that ‘death’ is the only truth on this earth. The person runs behind luxuries, money and relations but what he/she will be getting at the end? But my biggest concern is how this mother will survive in this world of hypocrisies? She has to be a God to give life to her family. My thoughts took me to the meaningful Indian epics Ramayana and Mahabharata which decode the mystories aournd the actual meaning of death. I had read both these epics couple of times but realized the actual strength and legitimacy of these marathons today only. Still in today’s society, Ramayana shows the success of good or truth on bad or evil. Inspite of all failures truth always got success at the end and evil always lost. This preaches people to always be with good or truth. Whereas, Mahabharata shows that peace is the only religion in the society, so spread peace that may be on terms of evil’s death. Today, relevancy of Mahabharata is much more visible in the world on the light of terrorism which is like an evil all around.

All thoughts come into my mind in just a fraction of a second. Moans of women showed me a different part of life. The whole scenario forced me to behave well and be in the favour of good in my life as I have to meet my death which is waiting to grab me soon. On dooms day one of God’s spirits will come to snatch me from the people who created my world and emotionally attached with me. Since the life is very short I wish to be with my love who is my smile and happiness. I have started feeling of someone’s presence around me who is watching and forcing me to behave properly in this society.

Who am I…?

One question that always put me in dilemma is who am I? I ponder on my role in my family and in society as well. Somewhere I feel, an invisible power is directing me to act the way according to its wishes. Once I had desired to be with my mother all the time, but my education and now my jobs keeping me away from her. She is my mentor and her place is much higher than the God. If I calculate I have spent first 5-6 years my life in her lap after that my desire of being with her always remained desire only. My father, the honest man on this earth lives in dignity. I wish to be like him and try to copy him many of the occasions. His sleepless nights during my mental or physical illness and his all support make me confident and proud. I want to give him happiness through out his life which he had sacrificed to fulfill my demands. I feel that I am unable to give him full support due to various reasons. My brothers, who have always been with me in my childish activities, are now busy in creating their future and lives. I wish to be with them in the same way as we were during our childhood, although, I know the passed time never comes again. My friends had always felt my sincere and supportive nature. I too cut shorted all my desires, needs and requirements to help them but now I feel myself helpless to help them out. My beloved, whom I want to give all happiness of this universe, is far away from me. Whenever I wish to see her I can not, whenever I wish to talk her I can not. Whenever she is in need of me, I can not support her the way she desires. I know love does not need any support, since it is divine way of mutual togetherness, which never works like a burden but always works like a biggest support. But it’s my fate only which has not given to her any meaning of our love to feel proud on.

I have seen the people when I was in dark they kept themselves away from me and pushed me in more darkness. When I achieve the light they reminded me the days of our togetherness. From distant places they come near to me and been with me in the light. But again when I went in the dark again they left me alone and moved ahead.

I wonder, does achieving success is the only religion in this world or survival by beheading own people is the name of successful life. I do not want to be successful but want to see people happy who are around me. I do not know my part in this life, the invisible power who enforcing me to behave according to its needs is not allowing me to act the way I wish. I am trying to decode the question who am I and for what I have been on this earth with the people so close to me? Am I alone to feel like this or all others also feeling the pressure of someone other's on their wishes? Do my mother, father, brothers, friends and my beloved one also feel pressure on something while dealing with their desires? I am alone in search of who am I ...? But I am confident and believe to achieve all my dreams.

The great William Shakespeare, five hundreds years ago tried to answer this question with the lines in Act II of ‘As You like It’.

All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts.