Wishing To Live Forever Though I Am Dead

I was dead way back. The people who shared maximum of my life involved in the social system, they could not see anything except society. I was their blood but was a ‘materialist thing’ for them and for them only. I too did whatever they said and asked for. From being a different school of thought, I have always been given all my attention towards the people who used me for their superfluous prestige. Sometime I look for the senses which never get developed in me. It was quite late when first time I wished to live my life in my own way but I died before my actual life could have been started. I tried to give happiness to others by being dead for myself.

Disdained from family, then moved towards friends, as friendship is the most virtual and blissful relation in this world but only when you are true to someone or someone is true to you. Since childhood, inspite of my introvert and shy nature I have been surrounded by number of friends. Lost many of my personal belongings to give happiness to them, even did many things which I never thought of doing, for them only. Stealing money from my father’s purse and handed to my friend who wanted to give gift to his friend and intruded in that girl’s house because that friend was afraid of doing it, told lie at many occasions, bunking classes, and smoking were few domains I got involved but for time being only and to be very honest, all these given me joy of satisfaction because all I done for my friends. In this never got time for me. Friends to whom I surrendered myself always looked for more and more sacrifices from me and one day one-by-one they started vacating the sphere of my friendship, as they found I am not of their use anymore. I was ruined to sticking on my friendship by giving happiness to them. Though, feel always happy for those who are still with me in all my odds.

The world seemed full of hypocrisies where all relationships appeared were based on diplomacy and found that all relationships are maintained for survival of an individual only. They never care about emotions, sentiments or feelings of other person. They want sacrifices, sacrifices for themselves. How could I have been stayed alive then? So I died. I tried to give happiness to them by being dead for myself.

Disdained at all fronts, woven an uncracked web around me. Started living in my own way but in isolation. Started not to trust on any sort of relationship, then suddenly a goddess with full of adorability, lovability, emotionality and sensibility came in front of me. Tried to be away from her but could not. The said or unsaid words of her were so magnetized. The spark of belief, trust and the happiness which I have lost way back, are ignited once again. The world looks different now, wishing to live forever. The senses which gone dead earlier are awaken up now.